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15 Things Men Never Notice About Women

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I’m always asking my husband stuff like “do these new jeans make my butt look big, what do you think of this new eyeshadow, should we get a new comforter for our bed?”

I’ve always thought, “it would be so nice if my husband noticed things without me asking him.”

Well … now I know why. I’ve always known that men were bad at picking up on details. It’s all because they just aren’t paying attention to what’s going on.

Here are the 15 things men never notice about women (written by a man) -

1. A new purse. It’s like the old thing you put a bunch of stuff in, except a different color. As far as we’re concerned, all purses look the same.

2. Shaved/unshaved legs. Unless you’re coming at us like Sasquatch we probably can’t tell you have a little bit of stubble on your legs.

3. New candles. The part of our brain that let’s us process candles in general is just missing. If you take us to a Yankee Candle store in the mall, we just see a black void. Point being, there’s no way we’re going to tell the difference between “Vanilla” and “French Vanilla” and “Vanilla Cupcake.”

4. No makeup. Women never believe this, but sometimes we don’t notice you’re not wearing makeup. We really don’t. And then we get yelled at for lying. This is one of life’s greatest mysteries.

5. New shoes. We never look below anyone’s knees. This is a fact.

6. Blush. We don’t know what blush is, so how can we even tell when you’ve changed it?

7. Cellulite. Everyone is more critical of their own body. Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever seen cellulite, but the countless times I’ve been called a liar tell me otherwise.

8. Cat hair on your clothes. This would require us to notice things like “details.”

9. A new haircut. Unless you shaved your head, we’re not going to realize your hair is half an inch shorter.

10. Highlights. It’s your regular hair but with a few strands of color. At least give us a hint before getting mad.

11. New glasses. All glasses are the same. Sorry, everyone.

12. Circles under the eyes. Sorry for getting lost in the vast and beautiful wilderness that are the deep pools of longing also known as your eyes and not noticing that you look kind of tired. HOW AM I IN TROUBLE NOW?

13. A new shade of lipstick. Listen, there is the color “red lipstick.” That is the only color of lipstick I’m aware of. I don’t know what all these other colors are, but they’re not real.

14. New jeans. We can’t even tell the difference between our own jeans, let alone yours.

15. Some new decoration in your room. I’m not spending the next 20 minutes going on a scavenger hunt to find the one new coaster in your living room. This is the kind of thing that gives people aneurisms.

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