Seriously, I thought this was a joke. Really. No, this is real.

When in California last week, a friend told me about Gov. Newsome’s announcement on rules for Thanksgiving gatherings in his state. I thought my friend was kidding. Like he read it out of context or saw it on one of those satire sites like ‘The Onion’.

Turns out, the story is real.

Here are the Mandatory Requirements for All Gatherings for the State of California for the holidays.  Check them out. Direct from the California Department of Public Health website. Amazing…

All persons planning to host or participate in a private gathering, must comply with the following requirements.

Must comply? Wow, thanks for violating my Constitutional Rights. I mean, if you are gonna do that, at least ask nicely. Hasn’t anyone see Roadhouse with Patrick Swazy?!?

  1. Attendance

Gatherings that include more than 3 households are prohibited. This includes everyone present, including hosts and guests.

Yeah, so if there are 4 or 5 of you in a family, someone’s got to be left behind. How does that work? “Sorry Johnny, you are #4, so, we are going to grandmas! There’s a microwave dinner in the freezer and Nickelodeon on TV. Enjoy!”

The host should collect names of all attendees and contact information in case contact tracing is needed later.

Ok, not only are you the host responsible for cooking the meal, cleaning up, and all that business, but now you have to keep track of the 3 peeps per household that you invited to your house? Now you gotta be a snitch for the state? Hey, sign me up!

Getty Images / Gov Newsome/That Hair Though...
  1. Gather Outdoors

All gatherings must be held outside. Attendees may go inside to use restrooms.

First off, isn’t it nice that he state allows you to give permission to others in YOUR HOME, to use YOUR restroom? Next thing you know they’ll be asking you to clean your bathroom after each use.

Restrooms must be sanitized after each use.

And there it is! So after Uncle Zeke downs his T-Giving meal, then decides to use your “Indoor plumbing”, you gotta clean that up?? This hosting gig sucks.

Getty Images
  1. Practice Physical Distancing and Hand Hygiene at Gatherings

Seating must provide at least 6 feet of distance (in all directions—front-to-back and side-to-side) between different households.

Ok, break out the measuring tape. Remember, don’t make Mr. Newsome and his hair  mad.

Everyone at a gathering should frequently wash their hands with soap and water. A place to wash hands must be available for participants to use.

Ok, now you gotta build an outside sink so that your guests can wash their hands? Remember, they can’t go inside unless they need to go pee-pee. So now, you have 11 days to build a new outside sink. I would start now if I were you.

Getty Image
  1. Wear a Face Covering to Keep COVID-19 from Spreading

Face coverings should be worn at all times. They can be removed to meet urgent medical needs (for example, to use an asthma inhaler, take medication, or if feeling light-headed).

Ahem, hey Governor Skippy, I know you put a ton of hair product on that carefully manicured hair helmet you got going on and there may be some possible seepage that has occurred, but can I remove my mask to eat? Also, where can I get one of those “masked while eating masks” you require?

Getty Images
  1. Keep it short

Gatherings should be two hours or less.

Hey, this one may work out great for that awful family member whom is a pain in the backside. Just announce loudly, “Ok surfs, only 15 minutes left until you have to leave!”

 

  1. Rules for Singing, Chanting, and Shouting at Outdoor Gatherings

Singing, chanting, shouting, and physical exertion significantly increases the risk of COVID-19. Because of this, singing, chanting, and shouting are strongly discouraged, but if they occur, the following rules and recommendations apply:

OK, now the state of California has rules for singing. This ought to be good…

All people who are singing or chanting should wear a face covering at all times while singing or chanting, including anyone who is leading a song or chant. People who are singing, shouting, chanting, or exercising are strongly encouraged to maintain physical distancing beyond 6 feet to further reduce risk.

WHO THE H$#* IS EXCERSIZING ON THANKSGIVING?!?

People who are singing or chanting are strongly encouraged to do so quietly.

Great, now you as the host have to purchase a decibel meter. They are about $40 on Amazon. Add that to your new outdoor sink and dinner costs. Maybe you should charge a cover at the door. Aren’t you glad you are hosting?

Getty Images / This Book May Have Just Come To Life

Again, this is real. Read it for yourself here.

So, there it is. The first state in America to look like the movie ‘The Hunger Games’.

I just wonder, just how closely Gov. Newsome will follow his own rules during the holidays? Someone needs to keep a camera ready.

#doasisaynotasido?

 

All My Best California,

The JimShow

."}" data-sheets-userformat="{"2":33554688,"11":4,"28":1}">