What is it with us and our obsession with grass? No, not that kind of grass, I mean our lawn, the green grass that we work so hard to grow and care for. There's the mowing and watering and fertilizing and yet, we never seem to be satisfied. Neither does grass.

It has been my observation over the years that grass isn't necessarily on board with our plans for it. I mean, our lawn can absolutely drive us nuts with brown patches, spots that are hard to water, bug infestations, and frequently, it seems, a flat out refusal on grass's part to consistently grow where we want it to grow, and yet, relentlessly crop up exactly where we don't want it to be. What's the deal?

What is the Origin of the Modern Application of Grass?

First, a little review into why we so predominantly have grassy lawns in our culture. As with so many things, we can blame some of my likely ancestors in Great Britain. According to plantnatural.com:

In the 16th Century Renaissance, lawns were deliberately cultivated by the wealthy in both France and England, though they were more likely planted with chamomile or thyme than with grass. Both of these ground covers make excellent alternatives to grass in modern lawns.

Sounds lovely, chamomile and thyme, nice aromas, harvest for spice or tea usage, cool, right? But then, they just couldn't leave well-enough alone.

Closely shorn grass lawns first emerged in 17th century England at the homes of large, wealthy landowners. While sheep were still grazed on many such park-lands, landowners increasingly depended on human labor to tend the grass closest to their homes. Before lawnmowers, only the rich could afford to hire the many hands needed to scythe and weed the grass, so a lawn was a mark of wealth and status.

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

Oh, but lawnmowers did get invented, and let me tell you, as someone who mowed 70+ lawns per week as an industrious teenager, the grass is a pain in the ass. So now, I only have one lawn to mow, however, my gripe with the green has more to do with its refusal to grow robustly where I find it to be thin, its susceptibility to being scorched by a giant dog's urine, its' unquenchable thirst and need to keep my water bills high and frustrating tendency for grass to grow everywhere I don't want it to grow.

Listen to What Your Dog is Telling You

Frankly, I think Tater, our Golden Retriever, has been trying to rid us of this nemesis for a couple of years now. Perhaps, in his raw, animal kingdom wisdom, he deliberately attempts to kill the grass with his pee. He may be wondering 'what the heck is wrong with my humans?' Why are they wasting all of this water and time and money on grass?!' What's more, there are efforts afoot to employ voodoo-style solutions to grow more grass and medication that Tater has been forced to take, to target the grass-killing agents in his urine.

The Grass Solution

Maybe we should just dig it up, and spread some decorative rock or cover it with plants and shrubs and lawn gnomes. If you have experienced this and have any solutions, hit me up on the station app and let me know. Tater and I will both thank you.

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