Let me start off sharing with you a "Yo Mama" joke that my 8-year-old daughter, Willow, told me she heard the other day. While I detest "Yo Mama" jokes, this one is kinda funny because I just saw Avengers: Endgame:

"Yo mama is so fat, Thanos had to snap twice to make her disappear."

KIDS THESE DAYS, I TELL YA!

Anywhoo, my child is probably getting me another nail polish for Mother's Day. I tell her every year that I don't want any more nail polish, but Willow still insists that's what I do want.

Nail polish (and wire hangers) withstanding, here are the top gifts your mama DOESN'T want for Mother's Day this Sunday, followed by my top three suggestions of what yo mama DOES want!

  • 1

    EXERCISE EQUIPMENT

    Don't get your mom some exercise equipment! What, are you trying to tell your mama she's fat? RUDE.

  • 2

    FLOWERS

    Forget getting your mama some flowers for Mother's Day! Those things die off within a week. STALE. NEXT!

  • 3

    CANDY

    Ugh, you want to give your precious mom some CANDY? That's the BEST YOU COULD DO? NOPE. TRY AGAIN.