Janties Are the Hot New Trend, and I Say, Miss Me With That Mess!

DISCLAIMER: The following article is the sole opinion of the author (and anyone with good fashion taste).

Warning: FASHION FAUX PAS ALERT!

We have some kick-butt concerts coming up this summer (Watershed, Bumbershoot, Sasquatch Music Fest, Ozzfest, ZZ Top), so here's the latest fashion don't to keep in mind (and yes, I'm talking to you, too, fellas).

#1: NO JANTIES!

#2: If in doubt, refer to rule #1.

#3: MISS ME WITH THAT MESS.

Janties are shaping up to be (no pun intended) the newest fad we DON'T want to see make a comeback, like those goofy fanny packs and the fashionably hideous hair mullets of decades past.

Don't know what Janties are? GOOD. Let's keep it that way. If your inquiring mind, however wants to know exactly what it is, well then, okay, I'll tell you. Promise me first, though, that you'll never buy them, no matter how "trendy" they are right now!

While I've never purchased a pair, but I think I can safely say, Janties are not a girl's or guys's best friend! I don't know what those people out at Coachella are smoking, but it must be pretty stiff if they have the confidence and wherewithal to wear them in public.

The only people who would actually look flattering in these things are newborns, infants and toddlers. There, I said it.

Here's how Janties have been described by Canadians who saw the ad on Instagram:

"Chafing is great."
"This is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life."
"Whoever designed these, really hates people."