What Crazy Things Have You Said To Your Child?

As parents we say some pretty crazy things to our kids. Now I'm not talking things that your parents would say to you and then you vowed to never say to your child, but one day heard your mom's words coming out of your mouth.

I'm talking stuff like -

"We need to keep our pants on in public."
"Gum you find under tables is NOT free gum."

I've had to say -

"Spitting on your brother does mean that your touching him." This was after Mathew and Benjamin had been told not to touch each other, so Mathew figured that spitting didn't qualify as touching his brother.

"Please don't color on the dog with a red marker. It looks like she has blood on her." This was when Shaylee thought our yellow lab was her personal color book.

What crazy things have you said to your child?