OPEN LETTER: If You Are Thinking About Moving to Yakima, DON’T!
Dear Person from the Other Side of the Cascades Planning a Move to the Yakima Valley,
If you are thinking about moving here, then please don't! Go away! Look, we bet you are one of the sweetest people on Earth, but we don't want you in our turf, and here are 3 reasons why. (Fair warning, it's about to get grouchy up in here!)
1. You will bring with you ungodly amounts of traffic. Ever been stuck in I-90 West traffic on a Saturday or I-90 East on a Sunday afternoon? It is a monstrosity. That is because all of the Westsiders know the party is over here on the Eastside of the Cascades. If you start moving to the Yakima Valley in droves and begin jamming up our daily traffic, I can almost guarantee you would bring about The Purge.
2. We don't want your neighborship (new word?) because you will start hacking away at our delicious food supply. It's not that we don't like to share, we are not completely selfish, it's just that we like being able to attend food festivals without standing in line for nearly two hours. That happened to me once at the (very first) Yakima Taco Fest. At first, everything was great as far as the food truck lines, they were manageable and they weren't too long. Once all of the crowd from the Westside showed up, however, the party came to a complete standstill. Vendors ran out of food and the majority of us had to wait in line for nearly two hours just to get ONE taco. I was livid. Truth be told, I totally began to understand why people were talking about wanting to bring on The Purge!
3. It's bad enough that we current residents are having a tough time trying to find an apartment or house to rent. Now that many folks have received their 2020 income tax and PPP loan checks, Westsiders are dipping over to the Yakima Valley and scooping up all of our houses for sale and rentals. Yes, we get it: the Covid pandemic forced everyone to live at home and some of us realized we are living in crappy, tiny townhouses, condos, and apartments. But if you move here, you'll discover that the price of a home in Yakima is relatively affordable, as compared to your overpriced digs from the other side of the Cascades. Homes that were likely going to be purchased by local Yakima Valley residents are now being sold to deep-pocket Westsiders. That, too is enough to make somebody mad enough to wanna bring on The Purge!
Please stay over there where you are because we don't want the cost of living to skyrocket over here in the Yakima Valley. Love you, mean it! Kthanksbye.
One Very Cute and Grouchy, Yet Concerned Citizen