The JimShow’s 5 Traffic Commandments
We are all about traffic safety here - but c'mon, can we pleeeeeeaaaaase learn to merge?!?
Driving can be frustrating. People can be clueless and many have no idea of the rules of the road. So, as we head into a weekend where there may be some travel involved, here are the JimShow Top 5 Traffic Commandments to keep in mind. Thou Shalt read!
(Warning! Lots of sarcasm ahead!)
- Thou Shalt NOT Tailgate
Why are you tailgating me? Is the fact that the car in front of me that I am following, will go faster if YOU, tailgate ME? Or perhaps, the turtle in front of me will wake from their zombie drive slumber and actually consider speeding up if you tailgate them? Is that how it works? The rule is, If I can see your excessive nose hair in my mirror, you are too close. And if you sport excessive nose hair, you are probably a chronic tailgater. Tip? Get some nose hair trimmers. Step two, use them. Step Three? Stop tailgating me!!!
- Thou Shalt MERGE!
We've all been there right? While on the freeway, a car tries to merge into existing traffic. The non-merging cars may actually be bothered by having to change lanes, speed up, slow down or adjust to allow the car entering to merge the freeway safely. Sorry to bother you. Just trying to merge here!
Or you can just be under the impression that you are the sun and we are all the little planets that orbit around you. Sorry about that. Apparently we missed a meeting. We will do better next time. BTW, has anyone told you, that you might need a nose hair trimmer?
- Thou SHALT NOT Camp Out In The “Fast Lane”
Do us a this favor – at least go the speed limit. Don’t be that “guy” who camps out in the “passing lane”, going UNDER the speed limit. Why are you doing that? We are all about caution and safety here, but the least you could do is the speed limit. Or move over as a courtesy. Pass left, cruise on the right. Good rule. Some of us actually follow this. If you haven't done so, please join us in that lane!
- Thou Shalt NOT Take Up TWO Parking Spots
The exception is if you have a car worth more than $150,000 - then and only then, can you take up two or even three spaces. The lines are there for a reason. When you were younger, you probably colored outside the lines in a color book. We get it. But we all grew up and can tell where the lines are now. Same with parking, adults ALWAYS stay betwixt the lines. The exceptions are Ferraris, Lambos and any exotic cars. No, Porches don’t count cause dentists aren’t that interesting.
Side note Commandment - if you spend that much on something that depreciates - you either don’t care or are a baller. Respect!
- Thou Shalt NOT “Rubber Neck”
What is holding up traffic? Rubber Neckers! You know who they are - they HAVE TO GET A REAL GOOD LOOK AT THAT DENTED CAR. That is what is slowing down traffic. People ogling a dented car, taking a real good look before passing it. As if they have never seen an accident before.
If you want to get a good look at a wrecked cars – Google it. Plenty of pics to ogle over there (see what I did there?). In the meantime, the rest of us have better stuff to do then to wait for you to actually stare at the dented car so you get your crashed car jones on. Please, we beg you - if you need to see this on the reg, become a tow truck driver. Then you can see mangled metal several times a day. Then, in theory, traffic will move once again instead of us waiting on you, to wait your turn, to see the dented car - while you search between your seats for your nose hair trimmer.
All My Best,
The JimShow
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