Can Bad Beer Be Transformed by a Good Pickle?
It's time for a scientific experiment. No, I don't have a Masters Degree in any of the sciences. Although, I might qualify for an honorary degree in 'Love of Beer & Pickles'. There's actually no-such-thing but if there were, I'm sure I could produce witnesses to corroborate my having consumed copious amounts of both.
I'm not a snob. I don't look down my nose at someone drinking a red beer with tomato juice and rot gut beer - or - sneer at a person munching down on an off-off-store brand of pickle, no! To each their own I say! But I wouldn't be caught dead doing either.
So, experiment time......I've seen this pop up online numerous times over the years and recently read where someone claimed to have performed the experiment with great positive success. The experiment: Adding a slice of pickle to a, shall we say, cheap, run of the mill, mass-produced beer, would make all the difference in the world and actually tastes good! The idea being, a salty infusion from the pickle would somehow help.
Now, I knew at a glance that this could not be true and it made my resolve to find the truth all the more intense. I mean, I don't want poor, unsuspecting pickle lovers who don't like beer or beer lovers who want to save a buck, to be fooled into thinking this is okay. I have a responsibility to craft beer lovers and top tier pickle lovers alike.
For the beer, I've chosen to mask the brand, so as not to disparage anyone - either the brewer or fans of this particular beer. It's a plain old light beer, sold by the millions of gallons and, for my palate, would need both an extremely good pickle and a miracle to earn favor. For the part of the pickle, I chose one of my FAVORITES from right in the Yakima Valley - BIG PAPA'S. I almost feel as though I should reach out to BIG PAPA himself and apologize for dipping his pickle in a cheap glass of beer. But, it's for science!
Okay, those pseudo-scientists who said their experiments resulted in success, said the pickle caused foaming-up and to watch out for a runaway head on the beer. Um, no. This beer had no head to speak of in the first place, and you can see some effervescence in the glass - but I assume that's just the pickle trying to escape.
Let's go in for another, closer look. The voice of my 7th grade science teacher, Mr Jim Turner, is echoing in my head: 'You have no business in the lab! Leave my sight at once!' He always did have a way with words and personal empowerment. If he could only be here now - to taste this - so that I wouldn't have to. Here goes.........
The answer is as plain as the look of utter disgust, shame and anger on my face.
Yes, Elizabeth, there IS a Santa Claus, but no, there is no such thing as bad beer made better by pickles. Now, I must grab a can of Bottomcutter Imperial IPA from Bale Breaker and say a silent prayer.